How to Help Children Cope with Grief and Loss
When a pet dies, grandparents pass away, or something difficult happens — how do you help your child understand and process grief? A guide for parents with practical tips.
Grief is part of life, but for young children it can feel overwhelming and incomprehensible. When the family dog dies, a grandparent passes away, or a close friend moves far away, children often don't have the words to express what they feel. As a parent, you want to help, but it's not always easy to know how.
Children grieve differently than adults
The first thing to understand is that children don't grieve like us. They can play and laugh one moment, and be devastated the next. They may ask the same questions over and over. They can seem unaffected, then suddenly break down over something seemingly trivial. All of this is normal.
Child psychologists explain that children process grief in short bursts. They can't handle long periods of intense emotion, so they alternate between grief and play. This doesn't mean they don't care — it means they're processing in their own way.
Talk about it — on the child's terms
Many adults instinctively shield children from difficult truths. But research shows that children cope with grief better when given honest, age-appropriate explanations. Saying "grandma went on a long trip" can create more confusion than saying "grandma died, and that means we can't see her anymore. It's very sad, and it's completely okay to feel that way."
- Use simple, honest words adapted to the child's age
- Avoid euphemisms that can create confusion (like "fell asleep" or "went away")
- Let the child ask questions — even the same questions many times
- Show that it's okay to cry and be sad — for adults too
- Don't push the child to talk, but be available when they're ready
Books as a tool for processing grief
In psychology, it's called "bibliotherapy" — using books as a therapeutic tool. For children, this is especially powerful. When a child reads about a character experiencing the same thing as them, something important happens: they feel understood without having to find the words themselves. Read more about how children's books can help kids understand emotions.
A book gives the child a safe distance from their emotions. They can explore grief through the character, ask questions about the story, and come back to the book when they need it. It's an open door into conversation that the child can choose to walk through.
When the personal makes the difference
General children's books about grief are good. But imagine the difference between a book about "a boy who lost his cat" and a book about Lucas who lost his cat Milo — where Lucas looks like your child, and Milo looks like the family cat. Suddenly it's not just a story. It's their story.
Fanteri was actually created from exactly this need. Founder Line Andorsen needed a book to explain to her son Storm why the family dog Kurt was gone. She couldn't find anything flexible enough or with good enough quality. So she built Fanteri.
Topics you can create books about
When a pet dies
For many children, a pet is the first loss they experience. A personalized book where the child and pet are included — perhaps a story about all the wonderful memories they share — can help the child process the loss.
When a grandparent passes away
Losing a grandparent is often a child's first encounter with human death. A book about the child and grandma or grandpa — with memories, adventures they shared, and a warm ending about how love lasts even when someone is gone — can bring comfort during a difficult time.
Divorce and family changes
When parents separate, children often grieve the family life as it was. A personalized book can normalize the new everyday — two homes, new routines — and show the child they are loved no matter what the family looks like. We've written more about this and other themes in children's books for difficult life events.
Practical tips for parents
- Create the book together with your child if they're old enough (5+). Let them choose details about the character and story.
- Read the book during quiet moments — perhaps as part of the bedtime routine.
- Be prepared for the child to read the book many times. Repetition is an important part of processing.
- Use the book as a conversation starter. "What do you think the character is feeling here?" opens up without pushing.
- It's okay to be moved yourself. Showing emotions is healthy for children to see.
You don't need the perfect words
As a parent, it's tempting to want to fix everything — take away the pain and make things better. But with grief, it's not about fixing. It's about being there, letting your child feel what they feel, and giving them tools to understand. A personalized book is one such tool.
With Fanteri, you can create a book about exactly what your child needs to hear, in under 10 minutes. Because sometimes the most important story is the one about them.